Feeling the Void

Introduction

In 2018, our world was shattered by the loss of Jermaine, my sister’s fiancé, a beloved friend and father figure, to a senseless act of violence. This profound loss marked the beginning of our deeply personal journey through grief, systemic healthcare challenges, and ultimately, the founding of the Pickney Foundation. This article shares our story, illustrating the devastating health disparities that motivated the foundation’s mission to empower single mothers and support underprivileged communities.

The Loss of a Pillar: Jermaine's Story

Jermaine was more than a friend; he was an integral part of our family, a stand-in father to my children, and a constant source of support. At the time of his passing, I was a single mother living with my sister. Before I moved in with them, whenever I needed help, Jermaine was always there for me. He had always been a pillar of support, always responding with a "yes."

Jermaine cared for, nurtured, and loved my kids as he loved his son. He was involved in everything from recreational activities to school programs. Losing him wasn’t just a personal loss; his family and the community lost a beacon of kindness and stability. 

Jermaine was the man, the realist man to have entered our lives.  A beacon of strength, it takes a real man to step up for others. Amongst the many we know, the most won't! 

Life Inside the Void

My Sister’s decline began subtly. Everyone on the outside thought they saw a happy person filled with resilience but being as close as we’d been since childhood, I knew differently; the loss was devastating. I have seen firsthand her living through the pain. My sister and I were inseparable; she used to joke we were married. After she began dating someone else, I humorously declared us divorced, to which she replied, "Until death do us part." And tragically, it did. When she passed, a part of me died too. The anger and sorrow mingled, becoming a constant companion. Oh, I wouldn't say I liked it here.

A Sister's Struggle with Healthcare Inequities

By the end of 2019, my sister moved in with us, her life seeing a new beginning as she welcomed a baby boy in 2020. Her delivery was supposed to be routine, but complications led to an emergency C-section. This procedure began with her feeling the start of the incision and screaming out in pain due to inadequate anesthesia. This marked the beginning of a series of medical oversights. Post-delivery, she developed a noncancerous dermoid mass requiring an outpatient surgical removal just a few months later. Unfortunately, complications led to her being placed in ICU and having multiple surgeries involving bowel resection.

 She stayed sedated as they kept her open, going in for a second and third time. She was sedated but conscious enough to scribble why, and what happened. (Image Below) As I tried to communicate with her, she asked me what and why. A young doctor tried to make a drawing to explain why they had to remove dying sections of her small intestine but never explained what happened during the procedure. (Drawing Image Below) 

During her hospital stay, amid strict COVID-19 restrictions, I learned about the severity of her situation. We had to learn how to use a feeding tube, a process that filled us with dread. I remember our limited visits and relying on hospital-provided instructions due to visiting restrictions. Having a lot of time alone, she was able to reflect. She reconciled with our estranged father, fostering forgiveness after the chaplain's visits.

 Yet, her unexpected discharge and return home was nothing short of miraculous. Although we were very concerned and upset, she hadn’t called us to pick her up. She seemed to defy medical predictions and was discharged without the need for a feeding tube. She was supposed to live with a feeding tube, but per the doctors' evaluations, those plans were canceled. (Discharge Summary Image Below)

The Continuous Battle and Untimely Loss

Her resilience was inspiring but short-lived. Her health continued to challenge her. In 2021, during her pregnancy, she developed preeclampsia. (I wish she’d waited or doctors medically intervened, but that’s just my thought.) Her baby girl stopped growing, prompting a premature delivery in November 2021. My absence due to travel only heightened the anxiety when she was in recovery for far longer than usual. Relying on her boyfriend's sparse updates from the hospital did little to assuage my fears. I called the facility frantically for updates, as they weren't informing him much until I was able to get her by phone. She sounded terrible yet told me, she was fine, to stay and enjoy my trip, putting me at ease.

A week later, she returned to the hospital with pain at the C-section site, yet it was deemed minor. Fast forward, a few weeks later!

The Day She Passed

Her final days were fraught with stress. Over Christmas, we found out that the baby's relative had COVID-19, knowingly indirectly exposing them. Our worst fears materialized shortly after; her baby developed breathing problems and was admitted to the hospital, COVID-19 positive, she communicated to me by phone. She came home one last time to get clothing and essentials they'd need for the hospital stay. Due to COVID-19, she did not want to expose us, so we chose not to see each other; she couldn’t come inside and socialize as she would always do. I didn’t get to hug, laugh, or physically bond with her one last time. We talked on the phone about family and forgiveness, an expressive last conversation. She was trying to convince me to call our father. Guess what, I had to call him the next morning because she passed; her boyfriend reported that she had a severe headache and later became unresponsive. Despite efforts to save her in a pediatric setting, she was pronounced dead. I mean, the effectiveness of CPR was definitely compromised since she was in a recliner compared to being placed on a hard surface not to mention the lack of response when they were initially informed of her distress.

From the time I received the call, we had time to get to the hospital, find the information desk, find out where the PNICU was located, and get up to that floor before they got a hospital bed that would fit her. CPR was still being performed in the recliner as I arrived on the floor, maybe a minute or two the other elevator opened and there a staff member was with the proper size bed. They made the switch and then proceeded downstairs to the pediatric emergency department. It was chaotic. 

The Autopsy 

 The autopsy indicated Tylenol and Narcan in her system but nothing that would suggest an overdose, contrary to initial suspicions. 

It also wasn’t COVID-19, contrary to what had been told to us before they allowed us to see her lifeless body at the hospital. The doctor said and I quote, I saw mom and baby around 5:30 am she was fine, it had to be COVID-19.  

The cause of death; Hypertension!

Striving for Economic Independence and Community Support 

 Through all these trials, she was not just my sister but my closest confidant and partner in dreams. Determined not to let our losses define us, we focused on economic independence and community support. Together, we had made plans to invest in a multi-family property, not only, for our well-being, but also to assist low-income families.   Recognizing our struggles with uninhabitable housing, we were motivated to make better decisions to support our family and others in similar situations, receiving our homeownership training completion certificates just a month before she gave birth, two months before her passing. So, it's apparent her sudden departure was not just a personal loss but a derailment of our shared future. These plans were a testament to our shared vision of mutual support and resilience, embodying the spirit that had characterized our lives.

Pickney Foundation Inc.: A Legacy of Support and Advocacy

In her honor, I founded the Pickney Foundation Inc. to foster a supportive community for single mothers. The foundation emphasizes holistic health and wellness, economic independence through education, and advocating for housing rights. Our work is a tribute to her memory and a commitment to addressing issues disproportionately affecting underprivileged communities, and single mothers and providing resources for economic independence. This initiative reflects our lifelong commitment to supporting one another in every way we should. As we continue advocating for better outcomes for all, especially the most vulnerable, we honor the memories of those we've lost, like Jermaine and my sister, who continue to inspire and motivate our efforts.

Conclusion

The journey through personal loss and the confrontation with health disparities has been a catalyst for change. By sharing our story, we aim to raise awareness of these issues and inspire action that leads to tangible improvements in healthcare, housing, and economic opportunities for those most in need. Through the work of the Pickney Foundation Inc., we honor the lives of those we've lost by building a more supportive and equitable future for all. Our mission is to ensure they receive the support they deserve, fostering a community that uplifts and empowers.

Rest in Heaven, 

Dominique Pickney - Sunset December 30, 2021.

Jazzman “Jermaine” Aaron - Sunset March 15, 2018

As you’ve read, the journey through personal loss and confronting health disparities has inspired the creation of the Pickney Foundation. Our mission is to uplift and empower single mothers and underprivileged communities by providing holistic health and wellness resources, economic independence through education, and advocating for housing rights.

We need your support to continue our work and make a lasting impact. Here’s how you can get involved:

Volunteer with Us: Your time and skills can make a significant difference. Volunteer Now

Make a Donation: Your generosity will help us provide critical support to those in need. Donate Today

Share Our Story: Help us spread the word about the important work we’re doing. Share this article with your friends, family, and social networks to raise awareness. Share our blog on Social Media, Feeling the void!

Every contribution, big or small, helps us move closer to a more supportive and equitable future. Together, we can honor the memories of those we've lost and continue to build a community that uplifts and empowers. Thank you for your support.